I have loved you for a thousand years
by whenvampiresdon'tsuck
Summary: NS one-shot, set after the finale. ""I love him." I say to him, as I have before. I say it to myself as well. "I know." He says. "But you deserve more than what he's giving you. You deserve everything." I look at him, like really look at him. His eyes so earnest. Maybe he is right. Maybe I do deserve more. But from when we were kids, I know I've never deserved him."


**A/N: Post finale NS one shot. It's a handful of moments between Nate and Serena from five years ago until her wedding day. The moments happen during the years that I've put as headlines. In the finale of GG, you never saw Dan and Serena saying I do...**

* * *

_Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave_

_How can I love when I'm afraid_

_To fall_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt_

_Suddenly goes away somehow_

* * *

Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, right?

I smile. I do. But it doesn't fill my body. I don't feel happy.

At first I think its just the usual nerves. The ones every bride gets. But as the hours fly by and the moment get closer, I get more and more worried.

Worried that I can't go through with this.

Worried that I might do.

It's difficult to know what I want. It always has for me.

You might say its my biggest flaw.

I love Dan. I really do.

Okay, I have to stop doing this. I have to stop doubting everything.

I have to stop running.

* * *

As I stand on top of the staircase, I can feel my heart racing. My chest goes up and down in a unsteady rhythm.

No one is standing there with me.

I have to do this alone.

Take the steps alone.

No one's there to hold my hand or push me forwards.

I don't do well alone.

I take a few breaths and close my eyes for a minute or two.

Wonder about what will meet med downstairs.

_Who_.

I don't know if he's coming. I don't know if I want him to.

Don't know why it means so much.

Then the music starts, and I have to stop thinking about him.

I take one step slowly, then another. Regrets the stairs all together.

Then I see them all. Smiles everywhere.

And he is there. He really is. Smiling up to me.

I give him a smile in return. The only true one I've had on my face all day.

Seeing him there reassures me in a way.

He will always be here. No matter what.

I can do this.

* * *

Dan is smiling like never before as he takes my hands.

I can see the love in his eyes.

Feel it all around us.

Then I start thinking about something Blair said once.

About how we can have many great loves. Its not just one.

And I wonder when I knew that this was _the_ one. Because one has to conquer the others. One has to stand out and be more _right_.

I try to loose the thoughts, to push them away.

And I succeed for a while, only concentrate on the words from the minister.

But then we're close to the end. And something feels wrong.

I start zoning out, thinks about the past. Remembers things I shouldn't at this moment. Things from the last five years flashes before my eyes.

"Do you take this man..."

The rest is blurry. I feel sick.

Every eye is on me as the question is asked.

"I..."

I can't shake those memories.

* * *

**(5 years ago)**

* * *

"Nate!" I squeal as he comes walking out from the elevator.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

Haven't seen him in weeks, but here he is, standing in front of me smiling.

"It's been a while." He smiles at me.

"I just wanted to see you."

I hug him tightly. It's always good to see him.

"So how are you?" He asks and sits down at the sofa.

He looks a little more serious now. I wonder if he's here for a reason, and not just to see me.

"I'm great." I say and sit down in a chair opposite of him. Wonders if he knows why I'm so happy. And if he knows, maybe that's why he's here.

"Yeah, you look really happy." The smile he gives me isn't really reaching his eyes.

"I talked to Blair." He starts.

I furrow my brows. A conversation that starts with those words can't end good.

"Okay." I say, waits for the rest.

"Are you and Dan together?" He asks, and I look down.

So he knows.

I nod slowly.

"Am I the only one who don't understand this Gossip girl thing?"

"I mean, am I the only one who's bothered by it?"

I don't answer. Because I don't know what to say.

I know I'll have to defend my choices for a long time. Defend Dan and why I'm with him. But I didn't think I had to defend myself for Nate.

"He just wanted a way in. He just wanted me to see him."

Nate sighs.

"But then you did see him. You two even became a couple. And he didn't stop. He continued to write awful things about you and your friends."

He takes a deep breath, sets his eyes in me.

"And this summer when we were looking for you, he knew where you were all along. But he didn't tell us. He made me trade in a story to give me the information."

I stop him.

"He has said he's sorry. He has changed."

My tone a little hard. I see that it upsets him.

"It's good enough for me." I say then, a little softer.

"I've been thinking about you a lot lately." He looks down at his hands.

His words surprises me.

He looks sad now all of a sudden.

"I didn't came here to attack you or judge you or anything like that. I just want to look out for you and show you that I'm here for you."

I give him a little smile. After all, I think he only wants what's best for me.

"Not so long ago you were prepared to marry Barry and then he broke up with you. You were vulnerable and Dan..." He stops.

"Dan's your friend." I simply say.

He nods slowly.

"I love him, Nate."

He sighs, rubs his forehead, but smiles at me.

"Okay."

* * *

"Did you send Nate to see me?" I ask Blair when we eat lunch the next day.

She shakes her head, takes a sip of wine and eyes me.

"No. Why do you ask?"

I sigh.

"He came over and started asking about Dan and everything."

Blair sighs dramatically. She always does when I mention Dan.

"He is just worried you are making a mistake."

Her tone suggests he's not the only one.

* * *

"Thank you for meeting me." He says and smiles nervously.

"I can't say no to a free dinner." I joke and he do laugh.

It's my way of showing him there is no hard feelings.

Because there isn't. I understand his concerns.

But he knows Dan. He should know he won't hurt me.

"I'm sorry for bringing up the whole Dan thing, Serena. I shouldn't have done it like that. I just want you to be happy." He sighs.

"I am"

I wish I could read his mind. He seems so sincere. But a part of me feels like he hasn't really let the issue go. I think he still feels I jumped too soon into things with Dan. And maybe he's right. Well, he probably is. That's what I do. I jump, I often fall. But this time it feels like it will be okay. I'll stand on my feet at the end.

If only I had known.

* * *

**(4 years ago)**

* * *

The honeymoon face is over.

Reality has set in.

Me and Dan fight. A lot. Almost daily.

It started with him asking me to move in with him at the loft. I hesitated. He noticed and got mad.

I can understand him, we have been together for a long time. Blair and Chuck are married, we should be able to take this step.

But I don't feel ready. I've taken too many steps too fast in my past relationships. They've all ended and I've either been hurt or hurt someone else. I don't want to go down that road again.

And I like my apartment and how things have been with me and Dan lately.

I don't anymore.

* * *

I miss Nate.

I miss him being my friend.

His work has taken up a lot of his time and he is more overseas than in New York.

And when he is, I barely see him.

It feels like a part of me is missing.

* * *

When Nate comes back from London, I show up at his office the next day.

"I have a suggestion." I say and hand him a coffee and a bagel.

He looks at me, intrigued.

"You give me back my job here. And I don't have to miss you so much."

I've been looking for something to do for a while. A work I'll be happy to go to every day. And I remembered working for his paper and how much I used to love it. Seeing Nate almost every day is a big bonus.

"Done." He says and takes a sip from his coffee.

I give him my brightest smile.

"Didn't think this would be so easy." I say and sit down opposite him.

"I even brought these to seal the deal." I drag out some pop tarts from my bag.

His kryptonite. Our kryptonite.

He laughs.

"Well, I've missed you too, Serena."

* * *

I love writing. Getting my voice heard. Being able to touch just one person with my words is satisfying.

I know Dan feels like being a writer is so more life changing than being a journalist for a paper like the Spectator.

It bugs me. It bugs me that he judges my line of work. It puts a strain on our relationship.

A relationship that isn't going so well in the first place.

"Hey." Nate comes walking towards my desk, a coffee in each hand. He pulls me from my thoughts.

It's our ritual. We at least share a coffee each day, talking about everything.

"How's it going?" I ask and take the coffee he is offering.

I really need it.

"I broke up with Sage." He says it so casually, it surprises me.

"Oh." I say.

"I'm sorry." I give him a little smile. I knew they weren't doing great, but hearing him say those words still surprises me.

"Don't be. I knew it was coming. The relationship had no future. I've known it for a while, just postponed the inevitable." He gives me this look I can't seem to read.

And as I stand up, I miss the other look his sending me too.

That of devotion.

I hug him even though he says he's fine. And as my arms are wrapped around him and he leans into my embrace, Dan comes walking in.

He sends me a glance. He doesn't look happy.

"I thought I'd take you to lunch." He says as I let go off Nate.

Nate smiles at Dan and leaves us.

"Does he hug all his employees like that, or are you special?"

His tone is hard.

It makes me mad.

"Nate is my friend." I say harshly.

He doesn't say anything more.

We don't go for lunch that day.

* * *

**(3 years ago)**

* * *

"Can I have this dance?" Nate reaches out a hand, I take it without hesitation.

Dan doesn't do dancing. He is just walking around mingling with authors and artsy people I don't even know the names of.

I want to dance.

I shiver a little as his lays his hand on my bare back. I don't think he notices.

"You look beautiful." He whispers in my ear as we move to the music.

And for some reason it makes me blush. It's the way he says it, with all the sincerity and devotion in the world.

Our bodies completely in sync, our faces nearly touching.

My heart skips faster and faster.

He shouldn't make me feel this way. But lately he has. More and more.

I blame it on the lack of intimacy in my own relationship.

After a good period where I agreed to Dan moving into my apartment, our relationship has been in a rough place again.

He is so busy with he's newest book and I feel left behind.

I feel alone.

Unwanted.

And right now, with his touch on my skin and his breath in my ear, Nate is making me feel wanted again.

If only for a dance.

* * *

"I saw you." It's the first thing Dan says to me as we enter our apartment.

I close my eyes, I immediately know what he's talking about.

Me and Nate. Dancing.

"We were just dancing." I say as I remove my shoes.

"Didn't look like it."

I take his hand, to reassure him. To show him that I love him. He pulls away from my touch.

"Is there something going on between you?" He sets his eyes in me.

I feel bad. I liked the way Nate were making me feel earlier. But it was only a moment. A weak moment were I felt something I shouldn't.

But it doesn't change anything.

"No." I say firmly.

It doesn't look like he believes me.

"History has a way of repeating itself with you, Serena. Its not like you haven't cheated before."

I can't believe what he's saying to me. The despite look on his face makes me cry.

It vanishes as he sees my reaction. He looks sad now.

"Get out." I say, tears in my eyes.

"Serena..." He pleads, regret filling his eyes.

"Get out!" I yell between sobbing.

As he leaves I fall to the ground.

I feel powerless.

* * *

He calls me the day after. And the days after that.

All he says is how sorry he is and I know that he is. Truly and completely.

It isn't the problem.

We haven't been in a good place the past weeks.

He tells me he wants to go back to being the couple we once were.

I want that too.

Hope that its possible.

I tell him that I need time. I need a break.

* * *

After being in the city for weeks only feeling hopeless I leave.

I go to our house at the Hampton's. Need time to myself, to figure out what I want, what I want to do next.

I call Nate to tell him I need some time off work, and for some reason I tell him where I am. He's the only one I've told. Maybe I do it unconsciously.

He is in Europe, so I only get his voicemail. But I know what he would say.

He would tell me to take all the time I need.

* * *

One night I hear a car driving up the driveway.

I get nervous, and a little scared.

But its nothing to be afraid of.

It's Nate.

My heart skips a beat as I see him.

I open the door to meet him. He doesn't say anything, just hugs me. He wraps his arms tightly around me. I haven't cried since coming here, but now I can't hold it in. Tears start forming in my eyes and I try to blink them away. But I can't.

"I came as soon as I could." He says.

"Are you okay?" He asks as we part.

He is still holding onto my arms.

I nod a little, smile at him and wipe away the tears.

"I don't even know why I'm crying." I sigh and invite him in.

We sit down by the fireplace.

"Everything's a mess." I say after a while.

He looks at me, his eyes full of concern.

"I love him, but I miss they way we were" I start crying again.

He takes my hand.

"Serena.." He starts, moves a little closer to me.

"I don't t want to get in the middle of this, I don't have the whole story, but know that I'm here for you."

So I tell him. I tell him everything. From the way I've been feeling lonely in my own relationship to Dan lashing out after he saw us dancing.

I see that it upsets him.

Dan hasn't exactly been his favorite person the past years. They aren't friends like they used to.

"I'm sorry, Serena." Its all that he says. I don't need him to say anything really. He lays his arms around me and gently strokes my hair.

We sit there watching the fire in complete silence.

Sometimes words are not needed.

After a while I fall asleep there, his arms still securely around me.

* * *

He shows up at my door a week after I'm back in the city.

His eyes full of determination when I let him in.

"I can't stop thinking about you" He says and I freeze.

"You shouldn't go back to him"

I fold my arms around me, start to put up a wall. Too scared of what he is going to say, of what I might do.

"Nate.." I whisper.

"There's more to life than compromise."

He moves a few step closer to me, I'm still standing still.

"I love him." I say to him, as I have before.

I say it to myself as well.

"I know." He says.

"But you deserve more than what he's giving you. You deserve _everything_."

I look at him, like really look at him.

His eyes so earnest.

Maybe he is right. Maybe I do deserve more.

But from when we were kids, I know I've never deserved _him_.

I know that. For me it is a fact.

I stand there silently, haven't got any words. Not now.

"I just have to say this to you. I expect nothing in return." He walks slowly towards me, puts his hands at my cheeks, softly strokes my skin with his fingertips.

"I love you, Serena. I've always loved you. I just need you to hear it, for you to know that."

I nod slowly as a tear escape from the corner of my eye.

I do know that.

I've selfishly known that for a while. He kisses my forehead tenderly as I close my eyes.

I haven't said a word to him in a long while. He smiles, looks defeated, is ready to leave.

But a part of me can't let him.

The selfish part. The dark part that is starting to take over.

So I grab his arm as he turns away, pulls him towards me.

"Stay with me." I whisper as I kiss him.

It catches him off guard. The kiss even surprises me.

We stand there kissing as the darkness swallows the sun outside.

In this moment we are both lost and found.

As all the selfish bones in my body screams for me to continue.

To let myself drown in him.

This shouldn't feel right, but it does. This shouldn't stir my insides like this.

I'm always longing after someone who can save me.

And Nate's here. Saving me. Wanting me. Loving me.

Dan was right. History repeats itself with me.

I'm not a good person. I'm not at all.

I wish I had changed. But I'm running in circles, making the same mistakes.

Hurting the same people.

The kiss deepens and I start moving to my bedroom, dragging him with me.

We lose our clothes on our way there. He pushes me down at the bed, pins me down beneath him.

I moan loudly against his skin. My whole body is on fire. I haven't felt like this in a long while

He kisses my neck as his hands cups my breasts.

A scream gets stuck in my throat as he thrusts inside me. My lips finds his again as I feel him go deeper. He groans against my neck and cling to him, my nails digging holes in his skin.

He comes with my name on his lips after pushing me over the edge.

I know we will remember tonight, for the rest of our lives.

* * *

The sun is up and I'm awake.

Awake from my delusion.

I have never felt worse. I start crying as Nate opens his eyes.

He wipes away the tears, tells me its okay over and over.

I know that its not.

I can't stop crying. I know how much this will hurt him.

How much it will hurt Dan.

"Regrets are a waste. I knew what I was doing. What you were going to do. That you would run back to him" He says and strokes my cheek.

I feel even worse.

"You will always be just a little out of reach." He whispers and kisses the corner of my mouth.

He gets up, finds his clothes.

"I love you" He whispers before he leaves.

I want to unhear it. I want to unfeel it.

* * *

**(2 years ago)**

* * *

With the echo of Nate telling me he loved me I went back to Dan.

I told him I slept with Nate. And he didn't take it like I thought he would. Of course he was hurt, but he didn't yell or say that we were over.

He told me he loved me.

He still wanted to be with me.

And even though I didn't deserve it, I said yes. Yes, to another chance with him. Yes to him.

I quit my job at the paper. Couldn't bare to see Nate every day. One day I called him and told him I was back with Dan, like he knew I would. I told him I couldn't see him in a while but that I would always love him. That he would always be one of my best friends and most important people to me.

I think I've never hurt someone so deeply as I did him. And by extension I hurt myself.

Nate is a greater man than Dan. I know that its terrible to think that. I know it's messed up and deep down unforgivable. But its the way that I feel. Nate is a better man.

And we accept the love we think we deserve.

* * *

I don't forget about him long enough.

Wake at night thinking about him, missing him.

Dreaming of him comes in waves.

I wonder if he dreams of me too.

* * *

It's hard for me to stay away from him. But I have to, for everyone.

So I only see him when we're all gathered.

We only talk about trivial things.

I pretend to not notice the looks he sends me over the table or across the room.

I pretend not to feel the change in my heartbeat when I do.

I pretend we weren't real.

* * *

**(A year ago)**

* * *

I stand nervously biting my nails in his elevator.

Haven't seen him in a while, and know I have something important to tell him. Something he can only hear from me.

I don't know how he will react.

"Hey." He says as he sees me.

I walk towards where he's sitting.

He looks hopeful. My eyes get blank, I know that the hope wil vanish in seconds.

I'm here to destroy any hope he has left.

"I'm getting married." I say, sooner than intended. Way faster than intended too.

But I see that he hears it, that he understands the words.

Words are weapons.

I use them against him all the time. It's not fair, I know.

He stands up, I see that he is surprised. That he is hurting.

He says nothing, I just stare at him. My face no longer dry, all I have now is tears.

I've used all the words. Those four small words were all I had.

Because nothing I say will change this.

Nothing I say will make him understand.

I was wishing we could go back.

Maybe I ask for too much. I do.

I should let him let go.

I turn to walk away, but he runs after me.

Grabs ahold of my arm as I reach the elevator.

"Serena." Is all he says. His eyes are blank now too.

It physically hurts me to look at him.

"I'm sorry." I stutter and go inside the elevator.

"Please don't say your last goodbye to me." He whispers as the door closes.

* * *

He shows up at my place a week later. Dan is out of town, signing books.

I think that's for the best. Because Nate smells of alcohol when he comes inside my apartment.

I know why he's here, I can see it in his eyes.

He wants to change my mind.

"What are you doing here, Nate?" I ask carefully, hopes I'm wrong for thinking he's here to tear my walls down.

"I saw something in your eyes when you told me." He says, moves a little towards me.

I take two steps back when he does.

"Doubt." He says, I blink.

"I think you are doubting it. You are doubting him and you. You don't really know if you want to marry him."

He comes closer, I'm standing still.

His words hit me. They creep under my skin, I can't deny that.

But I'm trying to fight it with all I have.

He is just making it difficult.

"I love him, Nate." I say for what feels like the hundredth time.

He sighs irritated.

"You keep saying that. But he doesn't deserve you."

_I don't deserve you._

I want to scream it.

I don't.

"You don't know what we're like." I feel my hands shaking.

"No, I don't. But I know us. I know how it feels when we're together, I know that you feel it to. We are undeniable, Serena."

I wipe away the tear that has escaped, closes my eyes.

"I can see that you are scared." He is standing right in front of me now. I have nowhere to run. But right now I don't want to.

Even though I should.

I should turn my back on him. Walk away.

Make him let go.

"But you are not afraid of me loving you. You are afraid that you love me back."

"Nate.." I'm pleading.

I'm talking to what's left of him.

And its not much.

I've ruined him and I hate myself for it.

"You have to let me go, Nate." Its barely words. They are so small against the walls. The only sound is my sobbing.

"You're the only thing that's worth holding on to." He throws his arms up in the air, I swear I see a tear run down his face.

Hates myself for putting it there.

He sets his eyes in me, ready to fire at me again. Ready to hit the walls even more.

I can't let them fall.

I can't fall now.

"I don't think he knows you like I do." Nate starts.

I try to stop him with my eyes.

They are not strong enough.

"Does he know why your favorite color is blue? Does he know that you got your first kiss at a tivoli? Does he know how you got that scar on your shoulder? Does he know that you never walked the same streets to school two days in a row, that you tried finding a new root every day? You wanted new adventures."

The answer is no.

It pains me to the core, but I can't deny that the answer is no.

"Does he know how you would show up at my door when we were kids, crying because your mother had left with a man again? And how we would build a fort of pillows and snuggle inside with cocoa and pop tarts?"

The memories comes flushing back. I can't ever shake them. Know I never will. But I'll have to live with that. Alone.

I'll have to live with that alone.

"Does he know that the first time you said I love you to someone was in that fort?"

He is crying now too.

We stand there staring at each other.

Two people who have been through so much. _Felt_ so much.

"Nate..."

He interrupts me.

"Does he know that I still love you?"

I close my eyes. Tears are flowing, it feels like they'll never stops.

As I open them he looks defeated.

He looks crushed.

He has seen something in me now.

The ending of this.

He turns away and a part of me wants to stop him. It's the part that wants another ending. The part that will always love him and hold onto him. I've tried to bury that part, denied it air. But it lives, and I've come to terms with it.

But I'm marrying Dan and I'll have to live with that part of me. No one else should have to. Nate shouldn't have to live with this. With me.

"Goodbye, Serena." He says and leaves me.

As the door shut I fall to the ground. I lay my arms around my knees, sob against my hands.

I think I just lost my best friend.

* * *

I don't sleep much that night.

I lay in bed turning and crying.

The reflection from my ring haunting me in the dark.

Wonders if I just made a big mistake.

* * *

He shows up a week before my wedding.

Smiling this time.

He looks better. Happier.

It makes some of the weight on my heart vanish.

Not entirely though. I don't think that's possible.

I sit down in one of the chairs in the living room.

He sits down too, stares at his hands.

"The last time.." He starts, coughs.

"I'm sorry." Nate looks at me, his eyes so honest.

I shake my head at him.

"Don't, Nate. Don't be sorry"

I smile at him. Wants him to know that I'm not mad at him at all.

"Never lose that smile" He says, sighs.

I take a deep breath.

Don't know what to say. He always makes me speechless.

And he is nowhere near done.

"No one can ever replace you, Serena."

God, I can't start crying again. I don't think I have anymore tears left in me.

"But I know I have to let you go."

He stops, rubs his forehead.

I'm still both frozen and speechless.

"I'm tired of remembering. I'm tired of hoping and longing."

"Most of all, I think I'm tired of loving you. Not that I want to stop. And I know that I never will. But I have to let you go. I understand that now. Because no matter what I do, you'll still marry him."

My heart literally skips a beat at his words.

"Nate, I don't know what to say."

He smiles at me again.

"You don't have to say anything, Serena."

He stands up, ready to leave me.

"When you marry him and things get rough, please remind yourself that it's okay to not be perfect."

It still baffles me how well he actually knows me.

Like no one else.

It's a struggle for me, trying to live up to everyone's expectations.

"And just know, that even if you'll never be mine, I'll always be yours."

Then he leaves me.

And it takes everything in me not to go after him.

I shouldn't want to. I'm with someone else.

What does that say about me?

* * *

**(Now)**

* * *

"I..." I look at Dan and I know he can see it.

See what's about to happen.

I hate doing this to him.

"I can't do this." I say and his eyes looks empty.

I think a part of him always knew.

Knew that I wasn't going to be there in the end.

I storm out of there.

Sees everyone looking worried. I see Blair standing up, ready to follow me.

I told myself I had to stop running.

And even though this qualifies as exactly that. I'm not. This isn't me running away anymore. This is me stopping.

This is me knowing.

I can't marry Dan. It isn't right.

The love who conquered the rest isn't what I have with him.

Yes, I love him.

But he isn't _the_ one.

The one who's been here all along. The one who knows me better than I know myself. The one who never judged me, who stuck with me through everything, from my mother always leaving to my relationship drama with other men. The one who I have been so scared of. Because he is the one person I really can't bare to loose.

The one who never stopped loving me.

The one who has my heart completely.

Somewhere between the beginning and the end, Nate stole my heart while I still thought I'd locked it up.

There was nothing left for Dan.

And terrible, egoistic me had to realize that at our wedding. The epiphany had to come at a time where it would hurt him the most.

I lost him.

But somehow I think I gained so much more.

And everyone can hate me for it.

Because the one person who will always love me, will also never leave.

* * *

"Hey." Blair catches up with me in the car.

"What happened in there, Serena?" She asks with concern.

"I realized something."

"You couldn't do that before?" She asks.

I don't think I could have.

I needed that gun to my head.

So I nod.

"So what did you realize?" She asks curiously.

"I'm in love with Nate."

* * *

I get home and change.

Seeing the dress off me, hurts a little.

I'm hurting for Dan.

But I try to push the thoughts of him away.

I want to see Nate. I have so much to tell him.

So I show up at his apartment, rush inside as he stares at me baffled.

"Serena." He says and just looks at me.

"You just have to let me talk now, Nate" I say and walk over to him.

"I'm so sorry for everything. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I've been so blind and so stupid. I think that deep down I've always known that it would come to this. I've just been fooling myself for so long. Yes, I love Dan. But you can love more than one person I think. Because I love you too. Of course I do. And I want to be with you. I've just never felt like I deserve you. But you've been standing right before me all this time, saying that you want me. And I know now that I need you. "

He looks stunned, I've never seen him like this before.

"You have always been there for me, and I've always taken you for granted. Just expected you to be there for me forever. So I understand you if you've let me go for real now. After all, only hours ago I was going to marry another man. But I couldn't. I saw you and I started remembering. Remembering every moment with you. Every feeling. I let my heart remember that I'm in love with you. That I've been in love with you for so long. And its so wrong to leave your own wedding, because you want another man. But I had to."

I take a breath.

"I love you, Nate. So much. I can't believe I didn't realize it before. I'm so sorry."

He still hasn't said anything.

"I understand it if you don't want me anymore, but I'll fight for you. Until my last breath, I'll fight."

He walks to me, lays his hands on my cheeks.

"I thought you'd never wake up." He says and kisses me.

In that moment I feel complete. My heart restored.

The world makes sense again.

Nothing else matters.

Now our lives can really begin.

Finally.

_**-fin **_


End file.
